Category: Gleamings


Real-sun-rize Realeyes

This sunrise can no longer slumber on the line of the horizon
It must crack the sky, blind every eye in sight of sight
Muddle the blight that has blanketed this world
His world
Bright shafts that slice, skewer, stab and shank
Stealthily
There is no such thing as a timid crack of dawn
When Ra rises you can feel it, know it on a cellular, instinctive level
The clouds swell, revel and are compelled to show the light, spill the light, work with the light
To magnify its brilliance
The sun doesn’t try to be spectacular, warming, hot, bright, obvious or searing
It merely is
It was created this way
As was I
Eye stare up at the sun, gaze un-shaded, pupils invaded with this heavenly heat
I do not blink, scrunch, wince or cringe
For that original orb of opulence has a light that mirrors mine own
That globe of burning gas is the center that holds our universe together, roots everything into place
Not because it wants to, but simply because it does
The sun does not wonder who, what, where, why when or how it is
It simply is
Flaring, glaring, sharing and declaring itself the only way that it knows how
The only way that it can
Because that is how it was engineered, that is the method of this universal madness
Does the sun doubt itself? Does the sun burn with fear? Does the sun attempt to veil itself behind Venus or Jupiter? Making itself smaller so that it cannot be seen
No
The sun is simply the sun
And in its name is where it finds itself
Just as in my game is where I play myself
Time out
I need to reset the board
Just figured out the rules

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Self

Gyrating in a gyroscope

Baptized by the blood boiling from my

mouth

Voluntary vampirism as I suck the blood of others,

others whose blood type I don’t share

Personality poisoned, fragmented, frayed

Self-betrayed by the man in the mirror

Accept what I reflect as I deflect the

truth on my Wonder Woman bracelets

Lasso of Lies stitching the disguise I wear

as I smile, nod, laugh and walk into their nest

Do my best to fit in, make it feel natural

but the actual fact of the matter is

I pop pills to skew and slew my sense of the reality

of the poser I’ve chosen to emulate

Until I gestate back into my natural form

and conform to the standards I’ve set for myself for the betterment of my health

It really is like being born again, blessed water drank from a tin cup

as a Mac truck runs me over and presses me back into shape

Flat to the earth

Back to the soil and the natural oil that I bathe in

Gave in to myself, to stop struggling

against my natural urges, natural surges

of self and personal wealth

That cannot be spent  no matter how much of me I buy

I cry

Because I’m so happy to be in my own spiritual house

No

My spiritual kingdom where I am servant to my thoughts and ruled by my intellect,

sail across the seas of regret in a ship wrought by ambition, prayer, love and forgiveness

And in this is where I lose myself

And in this is where I find myself

Myself

My

Self

 

Soul-On Collision

Spin back forward upside down reverse turned inside out
Is where I am
Contort myself out of shape into a metaphor of my natural being
Redefine the word perfection, a name I once had
Traded it in for something with power-steering and anti-lock brakes
Only to see I’m the only one who was braking
St-t-t-t-t-tuttering, jerking, sliding and swerving down my road
Unseeing with blinders, shielded by a veiled force field
Didn’t even know I had my seatbelt on
Keeps me safe, secure, protected…clean
But I need to be vulnerable, need to fly through the windshield like a brushstroke through the air
Watch the chaos flow like molasses, sweet, fresh, dark and thick
Like me
Every bone in my body is shattered, protruding from my scratched skin
Revealing the real me underneath
The me that has no skin because I cannot be contained
The me that has no skeleton because I slip into every crack, crevice, nook and frame I encounter
The me that has no blood because I am the life-giving liquid pump pump pumping through the universe’s veins
The me that has no mind because I am the thought that thinks, the idea that inspires, the memory that monopolizes
Never have I been so relieved not to have insurance
Those Allstate hands cup and bring me to your good neighbor’s lips and give them succor
Infecting you with the best virus you’ve never had
No need for antibiotics, for I am the anti-hypnotic that brings you out of the Matrix
I give you a fever and force you to sweat out the tyrannical toxins that seep in to your skin
I force you to stay in bed so that you may sleep and dream and remember who we are
Cough up the phlem stuck in your throat that keeps you from speaking the truth
No need for ice, burn hot, burn brilliant, burn bright and burn out of your flesh and sizzle and pop like hot bacon grease
Take off your seat belt, drive with your eyes closed and let your soul guide you
Accelerate through red lights, halt at green lights and do whatever the hell you damn well please at yellow lights
Or better yet…
Just walk

Over Make Me

Belly needs sustenance
Mind screeching
Slice open my veins
Dust. Spills. Out.
Muses have taken a vacation, gone south for the winter
Leaving me plummeting
De-powered
De-flowered
De-inspired
Recycled. Meta. Fours.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Can’t remember to…?
Maybe after I.
Then I can.
Shouldn’t.
Sankofa to proceed.
Look back, trip over the present. Broken future.
It’s gone.
Maybe I never had it. Only thought I did.
Pen with no ink.
Printer with no paper.
PC with no power.
Hand with broken fingers.
Mouth with twisted tongue.
blughn
Spiral.
Redo. Renew. Re-true.
Hmm.
Finish what you start. Start what you finish.
It’s all there.

I love the single star that attends the moon when she is almost full, full to bursting with ivory sheets and shades of glory, heaven and a smile that paints my face as I look up at her.
The star stands close enough to be noticed by her, but not so close that it blemishes her brilliance as she shines down on the earth.
I can’t help but wonder if they know that we look upon them, down here on solid ground in joyous envy. I look up and want to be with them and yet think that I’m happier to simply gaze at a snapshot of paradise and euphoria that lasts three nights.
Rainbow rings of perfection and soft light surround the Moon Goddess, guided into position by her regal nature, her gentle hand and her righteous brilliance.
Like celestial accessories they serve only to enhance her countenance, dripping from her aura like delicate diamonds, precious pearls, and obliging opals.
When we look upon her blazing consort we squint our eyes and hide our faces as we soak up his hot hot rays.
His light penetrates all, all-seeing eyes that press into our flesh like gripping fingers in the summer and caress us like a lover in the spring
Their marriage is one that is created equal, he rules the day as she sits sovereign in the night.
His ambition waxes during spring and summer as she and her twinkling platinum attendants hold sway over never ending winter nights.
It’s a shame that people have lost the compulsion to look up and see what heaven has spread over itself like a tapestry
I for one will remind them all
I will sing the melody of the moon and whisper the soliloquy of the sun.
Open your ears and let the light in

Inergy

I don’t have the energy, the will, the drive
To care
To search
To try
To go on
And so I stand and stare and feel my soul turn to ice
My chin is bruised from being up, stuck out, and defiant
My mind is a tattered thing, reduced to remnants and ribbons of smoke
This soul is weary from all of the stretching, flexing, changing and rearranging
I am flesh and blood and bone and love and frustration and laughter and triumph and forgiveness and joy and fickle and sick
And tired
Of being sick
And tired
My thoughts are a black hole siphoning and sucking at the stars of my sanity
Doubt is the sky that I look up to so I don’t have to watch the ground fall away
My smile is a nervous quivering thing, trembling at the edges and querulous to the touch
These eyes were once headlights shining the way to hope, love, and faith
Now they are pits into a personal Hell where I am both Satan and the damned sinner
Breath is a sluggish dog that refuses to come when I call, speak when I command and doesn’t know how to play dead
A heart that has been shredded, breaded, deep-fried and eaten only to be purged like so much rotten meat
A heart that has been ran over, stabbed, skinned and caressed
A heart that turns and flip-flops into acrobatic animation only to die a thousand times and live a thousand more
The cracked mirror has become my expectation, a realization of who I may become
I don’t have the energy to keep going, but because I am the universe’s fool, I keep going, not knowing when or where to stop and lay my burdens down
Look down, lord, please look down
Look down because I’ve been looking up for you, hoping that your love and your words are true
That my foolishly noble efforts are not in vain and that I’m not insane that that we will rise again
I toss and turn in my sleep when I know that heaven is a dream, and it seems that I have insomnia
Sleepless even though I am tired
Weary even though I am strong
Crying even though I smile
I activate my force field
But it seems to keep me out and trap other things in
It’s a sin for me to feel this way because I know that it will pass, know that I’m am stronger than Atlas trying to bear the entire universe on his shoulders, better than this, more powerful than I ever new
And maybe
I have the energy
After
All

I restart my heart
After the shock of the plunge
Sword split straight through
Before I thought I knew
It heals time and time again
Feeling so much pain must be a sin

Something latched on and grew like a fungus
Thought it was love, gentle affection among us
Then you set the record straight and the verdict was given
No love life for me, no two-story house for us to live in
Rip my heart out and don’t resuscitate
A soulless vampire, drinking the bitter blood of hate

Never feel the rays of UV
Never know the image of you and me
Skin tingles with memory and thought
So far I’ve come, so much self-destruction wrought
I hate you and I have no reasons
Terminal love patient, riddled with love-bit lesions

Hard-Boiled

You know what I wish?
I wish that I was a detective in one of those film noir flicks I love so much
I’d wear a fedora the shade of midnight and have a last name like Dark or Pitt
I’d walk the streets of the city at night, only at night, with a bent cigarette sticking out the corner of my mouth
I wouldn’t have a car because I would have lost it in the high-speed chase a few weeks ago when Nigel the Narc and his gang of no-good shysters tried to run me off the road, “Sending a message” they called it
The city would be smeared in neon, choking on concrete and bleeding dark puddles of piss along the cracks in the street
Maybe it’s raining ice cold daggers like God trying to slice me open to see what He’d made me out of
Or maybe it’s as cold as a cop’s heart
Or maybe the moon is packed full of bright, hovering there like a celestial spotlight
I go into a bar, Johnny’s or Jimmy’s, something with a J where they only play jazz music and serve hard liquor.
I sit at the bar, a near tangible cloud of cigarette smoke obscuring the hookers in the laps of married men, fingers gripping and tongues slipping inside lying mouths
I nod at the bartender, my face hard and deadpan, and order two fingers of bourbon, all with my fedora still on, my hard-boiled features wrapped in shadow and intrigue
The band starts to play an old jazz tune
Something like “Darn that Dream” or “You made me leave my…happy home”
The music takes hold of me, locks my muscles tight with languid fervor, holds my mind hostage while pointing a gun of lazy riffs, crescendos and arpeggios at my bass-thwacked temple
I sip my drink, the rich liquid coursing down my throat like a scorching ray of sunshine
Aahh, that hit the spot
I look over, and there she is
The dame, the broad, the femme fatale to end all femme fatales
She sits alone, sipping something just as dainty and delicate as she is with a snap of something fruity
She smokes her slim cigarette with careless elegance, her movements motored by that ol’ skool charm
She’s painted in light blue by the flashing sign above her head
She looks at me, she is Helen
I am a ship
I’m launched into the sea of ecstasy
She has cocoa butter skin and I think I can smell it from where I sit and stare
Her scent slices like the kindest cut through the alcohol, smoke and sweat
Blood rushes through my body like a shattered dam
And damn, is she ever beautiful
Smooth brown skin, kinky afro arranged in a velvet mound atop her regal head
She puts all those pretty little white girls to shame
Her lips are painted with rubies
Eyes darker than my heart, but hers are soft, mesmerizing…
And pleading.
I slide off the stool, muscles slack and slippery, and walk over
She doesn’t look at me
At least not with her eyes
But I know she knows I’m there
Can feel it like electric fingertips running down the back of my neck
I drop my hand before I touch her
“Mind if I sit here?” I ask her
She answers with a 10-carat smile, a pull of lips that explodes against the insides of my eyeballs
I’m seein’ stars
I sit next to her, easily as if the very air around her is fragile, something to be treasured and nurtured
“Come here often?” The slug of bourbon calms my suddenly quivering hand
She turns, a holy flexing of perfect muscle and looks at me, drowning me in her gaze
“Only when you’re here.”
My heart trip-hammers like a machine gun
This simile reminds me of the time I traded bullets and blood with Tommy the Thrasher at the Harlequin back in ’03
Good times
But I was a different man back then
A gritty anti-hero with a tragic flaw
Something writers and poets spend days and years wringing their souls out to write about
But that’s not me
And he’s not me
I’m just me
A regular Joe trying to stay alive in a world infested with well-groomed gangsters and politicians with undisputed reputations that make me think of “smiling faces tell lies”
Screen fades to black

Dear Heart,

I hate the way you make me
Feel
When the new guy walks by
            T H U M PT H U M PT H U M P
Like thunder in my chest
I despise how foolish you are
As I turn my head to look at what I can’t have
damn shame
You force me accept the fact that I’m just like everyone else
Ruled by a muscle no larger than my fist
Pummeling and bludgeoning my thoughts with insensibility
Your pumping and susurrations slide like neon in my blood
Setting brown cheeks aglow
Stop that
I’d rip you from my chest if only the process didn’t kill the both of us
I need you as much as you need me
The heart is a lonely hunter, as am I
So how is it that both of us wind up as the prey
?
Caught up in the jaws of madness, waiting for them to CHOMP! down
I close my eyes
waiting
And listen as you propel yourself
heedlessly
Through tortured veins

Desolate king of the skies
On my head sits a crown of lies
Cold are the winds that tumble through these robes
Frigid and barren through empty occipital lobes
My breast beats hollow and resonant
Filled with the sluggish blood of a revenant
Shrive my heart of his burning sin
Absolve the yearning gnawing within
Call fire to my veins and fill me to the brim
Consume me from marrow to follicle, root to stem
Take my love and plunge it into the waves
As the wolf calls to the moon in rippling bays
Blast my mind and sew the blowing fragments
Stitch in, stitch out as spiritual waters run stagnant
A mouth filled with ash and dust
Coating my throat and bursting my stomach with disgust
Spikes to my cranium, acid between my thighs
Unmanning me, unmaking me to malice and tattered alibis
The mirror has exploded and sliced me to threads
Leaving me a lump lying around your legs